On My Writing: Camp Nano

This is a post to talk about my lack of writing. I talk a big game. I want to be published. It would be the ultimate dream of mine to make that happen. And I worked really hard when I was unemployed on making that dream happen. I wrote every day for a few hours a day. I loved it. Never was I happier than when I was sitting behind that computer typing away. Then my husband and I moved. And I got a job. And working full-time, blogging, reading, living life, got in the way of writing. And I stopped. But I still talk about my writing like it's a thing that's happening. And now it's time for me to face the music. It's not happening. Why isn't it happening? Because I'm refusing to make it happen. I need structure. I need help. 

So I emailed my amazing critique partner, Julz. I figured that I needed someone to hold me accountable. Someone that expected something from me every week. If someone was counting on me to send them writing to look over every week, then maybe that would be motivating. Even if that means I only send one chapter a week. It's better than what I'm doing right now. 

Julz, of course since she's amazing, was completely on board with this idea. And then she asked me if I was participating in Camp Nanowrimo during the month of April. For those of you who don't know what Nanowrimo is, it's basically a program for writers to band together and write. November is national writing month and Nanowrimo hosts this program where you can sign up, get support from other members, track your word count, etc. all to write an entire novel (50,000 words) in a month. Crazy right? But motivating when everyone else is doing it with you. And sporadically throughout the year, they hold "camps". You can set your word count goal for the camp, be assigned a "cabin", meet other writers, talk about writing, and most importantly, WRITE. 

I've never participated in Nano before. To be honest, I've always been really intimidated by it. A whole novel in a month??? That's a huge commitment. And I don't like to fail at things. So I've always thought it would be too stressful. So at first, I start typing back to Julz that I'm not participating. But then I got to thinking, damn it, Becca. Weren't you just saying that you needed structure and accountability? Then why are you running from this? 

Because I'm scared. Because I want to be published so badly, but I know how difficult a journey it will be. I'm scared that if I try, I'll fail. If I don't try then I'll never know and that has to be better right? No. It's time for me to stop hiding out, making excuses. It's time for me to work hard for what I want. To stop talking a big game and actually start participating in the game. Whether or not I get published doesn't really matter. (Okay, it does, but I'm trying to make a point here.) The thing is, I love to write. So I should freaking write. 

So I deleted what I had been typing to Julz, jumped over to the Nano camp site and signed myself up. I put my word count goal of 50,000, but I'm going to be really happy if I hit 40,000. That won't complete the novel that I'm working on, but it will be a damn good start. Will the words be good? Probably not. Will it need a lot of revisions? Probably. But the point isn't to write a perfect novel the first time out of the gate. The point is to get the words down. And that's what I'm going to do. 

Are any of you participating in Camp Nano next month? Let me know and maybe we can form a cabin together!