Let's get personal. Today I want to talk about how difficult it is living away from your family. Three years ago (or is it four now?) my husband and I packed up and moved to Washington state from Chicago where we both grew up and where both our families live. It was a pretty big deal. At first it was excruciating. My sisters and I are very close. They are my best friends in the whole world. Always will be. And it was hell to be away from them. Let me tell you something, 3-4 years later and it still is.
It's gotten a bit easier. I don't think about it as much. I don't cry as much. (I was seriously a hot mess when we first moved.) But I still have pretty bad days where it just hurts so badly to be away from them. So why am I choosing to talk about this now?
Well, my baby sister (she's not really a baby...she's definitely 21...) just moved to Arizona for the summer. So now the family is really spread out. My dad lives in California. Allie is in Arizona. Megan and Mom are in Chicago. And Phil and I are in Virginia. I never thought that our family would be spread out all over the country like this. It's crazy. And it sucks.
But at the same time it's also kind of cool. I love being able to say that I've moved across the country twice. That I've experienced new things, new places, new cultures, new ways of life. I love that if my sister moves to Arizona permanently I'll have an excuse to go visit and see the Grand Canyon. If my dad hadn't moved to Cali, I might have never gone. If I had never moved to the DC area, I may have never visited our nation's capital (and my sisters probably wouldn't have either). So I guess in a way it's good. There's definitely positives.
But for the most part, it sucks. Holidays are the worst. We have been lucky so far and have been able to make it home for Christmas every year since we moved away, but that may not always be the case. We haven't had Thanksgiving at home in four years now. No Easter at home. No 4th of July fireworks with the family. No birthday celebrations. Those are the hardest moments. But when we do see each other, we make it count. We do tons of fun things. We stuff our faces with good food. We shop til we drop. And we just spend lots of time talking and laughing. I do think that I appreciate my family more since moving. But that doesn't make it easier. Friends are important. Very important. They really help you get through and become your surrogate family. But they can never replace that special bond that you only have with family.
So if you live away from family, tell me about your experience. How long have you been away? How far away? What do you do to cope? How often do you see your family? Does it continue to get easier?
I'm a big baby. We moved an hour away and I hated it. (I think it had more to do with the town though.) A year later we moved back to MY hometown.
ReplyDeleteMy brother, on the other hand, has moved to D.C. It sucks not being able to see him as often as I'd like to. We want to go visit him one day but it's an expensive trip!
Yeah, it's definitely not for everybody. But I would never be able to still live in the town I went to high school in. Maybe the town I grew up in when I was little... If you ever go visit him, we must meet up!!!
DeleteI've lived away from my family for a long time and it's sad because we don't see each other very often. It seems like that's kind of the way things are now, I don't know many people who stayed where they grew up. But it is nice to have a free place to stay when you visit so it's good your family lives in fun places! :) ~Pam
ReplyDeleteYes, very true. It's kind of nice to have people all over the country. Makes for fun vacations.
DeleteWhen I was 15, I had to move away from home to go to this boarding school. I was strangely okay with this while my mom was a mess. It's always been my mom and me, so when I moved away for that time my mom was especially hovering towards me. I was like 3 hours away from home but my mom acted as if it were another plantet, lol. I understand her now that I moved back home and everything, though. There's really no place like home, but sometimes you have to make a home of your own. I'm going to move in a couple of years when I finish my studies, since my college is so close to my current house.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice that your family is spread all around. It means you can visit all over :)
Oh wow. I couldn't imagine moving away at that age. I could barely handle it at 20 and I was moving to be with my husband (fiance at the time). Great point about making a home of your own. I think that's really important. Where do you think you're going to move to?
DeleteOkay so this is one of my biggest problems!! I am the girl who wants to go away and travel the world and live in another country. I wanted all this....until Genevieve was born (and then Adela). I seriously cannot imagine not being able to see her all the time. I would have missed my family but I would have been fine moving and keeping in touch and visiting. But once I bonded with Genevieve I used to cry thinking about it. I had a job interview in NYC (only like a 90 minute train ride) and I was like sobbing at night thinking about if we moved and how I wouldn't see her almost every week.
ReplyDeleteI'm still trying to work out these two sides of me -- the one who loves spending time with my nieces and the one who really wants to move!
Thanks for sharing your story! I didn't realize you didn't live near your family!! I live 4 hours from my dad and that's hard because I wish I could spend more time with him but it's always nice when I go to visit. I think I got used to not seeing him but only once a month when my mom moved us in 8th grade. It's hard but I know I'd never move back up there. I think there are pros and cons obviously -- you've seen a lot and have all these wonderful experiences but the being away from family SUCKS. I think it's nice in the internet age that we have all sorts of ways to stay in touch and feel connected when we CAN'T be there!
Oh yes. I think it will become even harder once Phil and I decide to start having kids and once my sisters reach that point in their lives as well. Kids really change things. It's so hard to get used to not seeing people very often that you used to see every day. I pretty much get to see my mom and sisters twice a year. And my dad even less. :( It's definitely a challenge, but you're right about the internet. I can't imagine what we would do without it. We sometimes skype and play board games over Skype and just have a good time and it almost feels like we're actually together. My biggest problem living here so far is the lack of good friends. I'm sure they will come, but I met my best friend when I was in Washington shortly after I moved and it made all the difference in the world to have her with me. Now she's in Boston which isn't too terribly far, but still far enough that I rarely see her. I do have a few friends in Philly though so the next time I'm up that way maybe we can grab lunch or coffee or something! I feel like we've only talked in passing. :)
DeleteAhhhh living away from family is hard!! So my family moved to WA when I was 5 from Taiwan so I rarely saw like my aunts and uncles in Taiwan. My dad travels a lot for work which ibhated but I think I got used to so it wasn't as bad after a few years. Anyway, so my mom lives in Seattle and my sister and her husband and my niece and nephew are in CA. I was in Vegas for 4 years. So at least we were all on the same coast. But it was still rough bc I wouldn't see the kids much and it always makes me sad when I see them and realize wow, you've grown like a foot since I last saw you! It's also hard bc since I've moved back to WA I've been sad that my friends are scattered across the country (AZ, CA, Chicago, NY). I wish I had a good friend here. So even though I'm closeby to my mom now, I'm like I need to make friends...Haha. Can someone please figure out teleportation??
ReplyDeleteYeah, none of us have kids yet, but I imagine that's only going to be harder once we do. :( My friends are scattered all over the country now too! (Chicago, Boston, Texas) It totally sucks and it's so hard to make new friends! There are just certain people that you click with you know? Yes, teleportation. Now. No, make that yesterday. Lol
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